I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
