You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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