Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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