the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
