I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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