Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
