Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
