but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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