I got chris browned last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He has the fingertips of a God
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
