Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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