Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
