I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
