apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
