I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.