Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
