I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
