Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
