college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
