White coat. Heels.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
