If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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