i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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