Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
