woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
