Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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