it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We got so high we made milksteak
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
