Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
