Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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