Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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