Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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