I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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