Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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