We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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