My hand turned me down
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize