the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
