I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
