Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
