this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
