I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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