She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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