so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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