you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
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I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
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If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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