A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
