the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
