Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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