I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize