i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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