you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just pee around me
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
