now i know why i became what i already was.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
