I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
