I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
