she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
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I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....