You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
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He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit