I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
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We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
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I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.