Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.