Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize