Say something about gay babies.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
