I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
