how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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