did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
