we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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