You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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