in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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