at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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