ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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